Welcome to another episode of the ’Create Your Kindspace’ podcast, with me your host Caroline Laurenson. Create Your Kindspace is all about wellbeing and the different ways in which we care for ourselves and those around us.
Today I’d like you to meet my wonderful friend Pei-I Yang from Rainbow Parenting Practice. We’re delving into the tricky topic of family relationships and specifically the tensions and issues that many of us face navigating the teenage years.
Timestamps:
00:01:11 Introduction and Pei-I’s Background
00:04:07 The Importance of Seeking Help with Parenting
00:09:38 Understanding Family Dynamics and Inherited Parenting Traits
00:15:33 Pei-I’s Approach to Helping Families
00:20:15 Success Stories and Transformations
00:28:19 Pei-I’s Media Appearances and GB News Interview
00:34:26 The “Teen Talk” Podcast
00:42:15 Tuning into Your Soul and Self-Care
00:45:45 How to Connect with Pei-I and Rainbow Parenting Practice
Links:
Website: https://www.rainbowparentingpractice.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pei-i-yang/
Teen Talk Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/4VZsroFmjmAyju7sHtDlkN?si=eca2ae1da3174d12
Transcript:
Caroline: So I have two kids myself. So I do, I guess, appreciate that life is challenging and bringing up children is challenging. And it is just wonderful to have you, Pei-I as a guest today to I guess help us to navigate that. Yeah, so to kick us off, it would be really great for you to do a little intro.
Pei-I: It’s so nice to be on the show, Caroline. I always get so much buzz going on and speaking events because this is where I shine the most. I love talking and talking about things, all things families, all things relationships, all things teenagers. So my name is Pei-I, and I’m still trying to find the introduction for myself, but I am a Taiwanese born living in Scotland. A Taiwanese by heart and a Scottish by choice. I just love Scotland so much and the people are so nice. I am a parenting and team behaviour specialist for the past 30 years. And recently I’m qualified as a Systemic and Family Psychotherapist, as you know. So it’s been…
Caroline: Yeah, congratulations.
Pei-I: Yeah, thank you. So it’s been amazing to be able to help and serve families, especially for those last 10 years, I specialise in working with teenagers. I just feel like there’s really not enough resources and support out there for families with teenagers. I was a struggling teenager 35 years ago, and then now 35 years I’m still seeing the same struggles among the teenagers and greater struggles cause the society, the culture, everything is different now. The parents are still struggling with the teenage phase. So I decided, right, this is my passion I’m going to do it, get the message out there and help families with the teenagers to navigate this journey. It doesn’t have to be hard. It can be fun do you know and interesting, shall we say. I forgot to I’m also the founder of the Rainbow Parenting Practice, which I established just about two years ago, actually 18, 19 months ago. So I’m really passionate about what I do.
Caroline: Yeah, so that transition into becoming a founder and really focusing in on that niche of teenagers and families and helping them to navigate that. I think that it’s a topic that a lot of people will relate to, especially if they have teenagers and I guess, is it fair to say that as a profession and as a field, is still quite a new thing that people maybe aren’t aware that there’s people like you that can help coach them and guide them through what’s happening and how to have more positive relationships?
I think in general, it’s new in terms of, even for younger children, I don’t think there’s enough… or shall we say in the message out there to say, when you’re struggling with parenting, go ask for help. When your children are unwell, you go and ask for doctors for help. You send your children to school. So school can help your children to be educated. But when it comes to parenting, no matter what age your children are, I think the parents wouldn’t initially have the first instinct to go, I need to get help, and I need to get professional help to help me to address the challenges at home. Of course, there’s community help and support out there, but it’s how much do you and can you access to that? Also, let’s not forget the stigma of asking for help and what that means. It’s like, What? You can’t parent your own children. You don’t know what to do. Why are you so successful and your teenagers are completely out of control? So there’s a lot of stigma around asking for help. I think that puts a lot of parents off. So like, you know what?
The stigma, the embarrassment there, and then the other bit is like Am I allowed to ask for help? Is this the right time to ask for help? And is there help out there? What help out there? I would say that has been the barriers and challenges for parents to come out to ask for help, really.
Caroline: That is such a good point because I guess if I reflect back on my parenting journey, when your kids are young and even before they’re born, there’s all this support in terms of antenatal classes and then the early years and the real focus is not making sure your children get a good start. And then you’re left to your own devices to figure things out. And obviously, you can speak to your friends, but if you are in a situation where your children, that relationship is strained or there’s something happening in terms of your child’s maybe mental health or other things happening in their life. It is really difficult to open up about those things and you will feel vulnerable and feel like you’ve failed as a parent. So yeah, I think that’s why I really wanted to have you on the show to break down some of those barriers, give people some tips and advice, and show them that you can have a really beautiful relationship with your children, and you can help to guide them through what is a really intense period for them, so they come out the other side of it and grow into beautiful young adults.
Pei-I: Absolutely. And the other thing I want to add, Caroline, is on the other spectrum, I also have seen a lot of families struggling with their teenagers. But way back when the children were younger, because there’s a lot of increased teenagers being diagnosed with neurodivergence, like ADHD or autism. I like to call them developmental differences because they’re beautiful human beings. They’re just different in their brain, how it’s wired and how they function. But because there’s increased… And a lot of parents come to me and say, Since my boy or since my girl was two years old, three years old, I knew there’s something is different. And it’s just there’s a lot of struggles and they ask for help. And if you’re in UK, you know you’ll be going to CAMHS, Mental Health Support, and know GP, school to get help. And a lot of parents experience is like, they just told me that it’s okay, it’s a phase, and you just need to ride this one out. And then later, I found that actually all these 10 years, I’ve been struggling with my three-year-old.
Caroline: That’s the reason.
Pei-I: If support had been put in place, and there’s just not enough resources out there. Then even when we are thinking about resources, it’s not all resources fits every family’s needs because every family’s circumstances and their blueprint, I love to talk about this, it’s their unique blueprint is very different. You need to have the right support, the right kind of support with the right approach and method and people to help you navigate the challenges. I don’t always have very good experience of certain GP practitioners. I don’t know about you? I might get throw stones at this. But I was like, just some GP are just wonderful. You connect better. The way they speak to you, the way they treat you, you know make you feel good about being their patient. Then eventually I’m like right, this doctor is the one I need to go to all the time, or this vet is my… the pets need to go all the time. It’s the same thing, when parents are asking for help, you need to ask for the right help.
I love, like what you say earlier, friends and family. Of course, you can go and ask for friends and family or help. But then what is really important to think about is what help are you actually looking for from your family or friends? Because in the end of the day, they’re not independent and they probably don’t have the credentials to be able to give you the professional guidance as to how you can navigate the challenges. Sometimes it can make things really worse for the parents. I heard a lot of saying, Do you know what, your teenagers, just need to ground them for a whole week, take their phone away and then put some strict boundaries in place or all these things. But it might not work for your family circumstances, and then when things don’t work out, you probably will be very angry at your family members or your friends for giving you such bad advice. I see so many families actually have a breakdown, relationship breakdown with their extended families for that very reason as to the judgement, the wrong advice, or you haven’t done enough or you should have done this. So you really need to watch out what help you’re looking for from your family and friends. And what I always encourage the parents to do is when you want us to help, be specific with your friends and family. And they can be very helpful, but you need to be specific in terms of like, today, I just want you to listen. Don’t give me any advice. That’s not what I wanted. Or, I really need you to… practical help, like help me to look after my two children today while I go out to spend some time with my husband or pick up my teenager from school.
Caroline: Yeah, and you touched upon a really important point there about the extended family dynamic and that sometimes the way that we parent, we can inherit, I guess, traits and things from our own relationships with our own parents. And equally, modern society has changed significantly in that generation. So the way our parents would have done things is differently from how we do them now. So that probably creates some tension as well. So yeah, I think that was all really valuable advice.
Pei-I: If you think about it, Caroline, nobody teaches how to be a parent. And this is something not spoken about enough in the parenting world is you learn how to parent through your own experiences of being parented. So the values your parents instil in you become your own values. But some could be very unconscious, saying your kids need to go to school, be high-achieving, get a doctor degree, be a doctor, be an architect, to be an architect, all these things. There’s a belief and value driving this. That’s also from your family script, your family value, from your parents or from your culture. Culture also dictates what family beliefs and values are. There’s a lot of layers to unpick, but essentially, you learn how to parent from your own experiences. Some parents are very insightful, they know… My parents are one of them. My parents, my dad, they experience so much poverty growing up, and they have to give up education to raise children or to support their family. Then they are conscious the fact that I had that experience. My children will never go through poverty. They work really hard. Speaking about this, making me feel emotional. They work really hard to make money, to provide us with financially, and they become self-made millionaires, the first generation in my family. That was really like, they changed their script. They changed their pattern to allow us to have the opportunity. It’s not something… Every parents will have this. You will be thinking, Oh, I experience abuse, or my parents always shout at me, or my parents been through to do this to me or for me, so then I’m not going to do that again to my children. But a lot of times these things catch up on you and you do it unconsciously.
Caroline: Yeah, or when…
Pei-I: You just behave and you need to act.
Caroline: When you get really stressed, it comes out. Yeah, so I was going to say, so my family upbringing was not the greatest. And there was always shouting and swearing and all manner of… When I look at that, look back on that dynamic and see how… I don’t know how my mum coped, to be honest, how badly she was treated and the way that my family spoke to her. It just broke my heart. When I get really, really stressed and upset, the terrible things that come out of my mouth. And I know that that’s the root of where it comes from. And I think most people would never… They wouldn’t expect it and they would never… Yeah, they’d be like, really? And well, my husband knows because he’s seen it. Yeah, that’s another really insightful observation that there are things that our experiences, they are there regardless of whether we think we have worked through them. And I know absolutely 100 % when I had my own family, I was very conscious of, I need to do this better. I need to give them a stable environment where we are loving and caring and we support each other. And just not to have all that stress and drama because it is not healthy.
Pei-I: Yeah, and in what you’re doing, you’re changing your family’s script going forward, Caroline, because you’re aware of that’s the part that influences you, that’s your experience, and then you change your children’s script going forward. That’s how every family script is different and so important to look at that. But a credit to you, you did really well in terms of providing a stable, supportive home environment for your children, which are really important for them to thrive. One thing I think would be really helpful, I ask the family all the time, is you need to think about what is influencing your parenting practise or your parenting decision. You need to understand why you make certain decisions and why you do what you do. To help you to become more aware of the decision you make because everything you do, everything you say, matter… or don’t do, don’t say, actually matter to your teenagers. They pick these thing up.
Caroline: Yeah, they pick it up so easily. Yeah, definitely. I think one thing that comes across to me so strongly is, clearly how much energy that you have for this. And then also the way that you create this safe space for families, create somewhere where they can feel that they can unpack some of this really deep, complex stuff and speak to someone who understands without judgement. That is really, really beautiful.
Pei-I: Oh, thank you. Actually, that’s really a nice compliment. It is my job to provide that safe space for the families. They are all hurt. They’ve all been through a lot where there’s mental health difficulties, how their teenagers acting out royal style or withdrawn just to show them, I’m not okay, help me. But they don’t know how to help them. And it just create this never-ending cycles of pain and hurt and thinking, I want to help, but he won’t listen or she won’t listen. And the arguments and sleepless nights, mental health breakdown, all sorts. And even if you’re like, there’s a lot of increasing knowledge of neurodivergence, and we are celebrating that. But then you’re thinking about it, there’s still not enough support out there. If you have a neurodiversion teenager, it’s going to be the different from the next door’s neurodivergent child, teenager. And the parents don’t get the support to know how to parent their teenager in the way that can actually help them thrive. And that’s where a lot of difficulties come through, come from.
Caroline: Yeah. So it would be really wonderful if you could talk through a bit more about some of the things that you can offer to people in terms of how you work. So is it mainly one to one or do you have programmes and things as well?
Pei-I: Actually, this is such a good question, Caroline, because I’m forever evolving. There’s so many things I want to do and so many things I want to get out there to the parents, right? But I do have my signature programme called Heal Family First Method and Restoring Family Harmony in 90 days. A lot of people are like, What? 90 days? How is it possible? But it’s really possible because it’s based on science. It’s based on experience and skills to collapse time to heal families from the most desperate place, to move them from the most desperate place and difficult place, to actually being able to enjoy each other’s company at home. That is my most famous and popular signature programme, but I do also offer one-to-one. But one-to-one is more for families who are not sure. It’s like, I’m not sure, because all the family that come to me been burned, been hurt, and try many things. Have nothing sticks, nothing works. They were like, Okay, let’s try this woman to see how it works. That’s when they usually will come into my world to try my one-to-one or try my five days and to see, Is it really possible to have such an impact in such a short space time?
I love to talk about the stories. I have this family who has been grieving for the family’s harmony since their children were very young. One of the teenager was diagnosed with autism and they were left with no support. They didn’t know how, so there was a lot of sibling fights. The family could never, ever have dinner together for a very long, for so many years. Then actually, they came into my five-day taster through somebody I knew in the referral. They came through my five-day taster. So we had one session and then a little bit of a WhatsApp support before their dinner time. They actually, on the first day of the work, the family had dinner together, the first time in many years because they usually just separate the children. I was like, Oh, my God, celebrate this, celebrate this. It’s so exciting because they think it’s impossible. They’ve tried so many things, therapy, counselling, everything, coaching, whatever. It’s not helped. They’re like, This is too comical. I still remember their comment. It’s like, Hey, this is too comical.
Caroline: Is this real.
Pei-I: It doesn’t feel real because it’s never happened. But it happened just today with a session with you. So that was really beautiful. But on the third day, the family actually experienced the most amazing dinner together. There’s no fights. The teenagers were making dinner for the parents, and it was really lovely. For the first time, they actually experienced actually happiness and harmony. Don’t have to deal with the children, the fight, it’s possible. That’s how usually people came into my world to do the taster, to think, Oh, actually, it’s possible. And it’s really not magic. It’s really just grounded in science and the method and the skills that experience for the past 30 years.
Caroline: When you were describing that, it was making me think of the TV series, The Super Nanny, that helps with the… I guess more like babies and the toddler stage and coaches the family. And then you see this amazing transformation, and it does feel a little unbelievable because you see how chaotic their lives are beforehand. And then you see that process that they go through. It just made me think of that when you were describing your work. In terms of transformations, you were touching upon some stories there. What is the most incredible leap or transformation that you’ve seen from a family? Where maybe you were like… you weren’t even sure if they were going to be able to work through the challenges they were facing.
Pei-I: There were so many of them, Caroline. And you know what? It’s not me sounding big headed, and I’m so positive about everything. Even despite the most challenging situation, I will find the positives. So I have never felt that any family is beyond help or impossible. It’s not down to me, it’s down to the family because at the end of the day, I’m a facilitator. I have the skills, the experience, I know the theories, I know the science, I know the psychology, the development, all these things to help the families. But at the end of the day, it’s the family who is at the forefront that is doing everything. It really requires them to be committed, open-minded, and try new things or retry things they’ve done in the past, but do it differently and successfully and effectively this time. They actually have all the credits. I cannot tell you how many stories were there. There’s still so many families I work with, and I still check in with them because I want to know how they are doing, and I never abandon any family unless I think this is not for me. If you have a stroppy teenager, then that is not for me. There will be someone else who is helping you. My families have all experience a lot of difficulties, that entrenched difficulties, and I run towards them. I love those families. It’s like, Yeah, let me help you. But then the ones that always sit with me is this week this parents, they’re like doctors, solicitors, really high achieving parents, and they’re really struggling with their teenage child. They were actually at a breaking point. They wouldn’t… And they tried everything they could. Really, they did counsellor, therapy, couple counselling, education, clinical psychology, CAMHS, and all the support skills that you can think of. They were really at their wits end. I met them in, I don’t know, it was just such a wonderful time together. I’m not saying everything is easy. It’s never easy because you’re putting constant, continuous effort into trying to do things every day, small dosage, to try to change the behaviour, to change the interaction. But the family came through. They did so much. They used me so well because the one thing I also offer the family is the WhatsApp support, which not all the parenting consultant or coach will do. They’ll be like, Are you sure you want to do this? I’m like, I’m pretty sure I want to do this because you can have a wonderful one-hour session with the family. I do agree the family needs to go home and do their work because I cannot be responsible for their work. However, when you are implementing strategies or try something new, you do need some handholding because there’s so many entrenched behaviour from the past. Or there’s some new skills or strategy. You don’t know how to do it. You want somebody you can access to it straight away. Go, Okay, you asked me to put boundaries in place now, but my teenager is not compliant. He’s actually saying, No, I’m not doing that. How do I manage that? These are the things. You want somebody to be there for you to help you.
Caroline: Yeah, in that moment.
Pei-I: But one thing I’m very adamant about is all my parents need to know why we’re doing what we’re doing. So then going forward, when they don’t need me anymore, which is the most beautiful place they can ever be. I want them to be. They don’t need me anymore. And then going forward, because we’re not saying after 90 days or 180 days, they won’t face any challenges. They will still have the challenges because we’re human beings. They’re a teenager. We’ll still have the challenges, but they need to know the principles and feel confident. We have challenges, but I know how to manage that because we run through the processes, too. We know exactly why we’re doing, how we’re doing, and what we need to do. So that is very important for me. But there are so many stories. This young person… Sorry, I’m just digressing a little bit. So this young person, the family’s relationship united. The parents reunite their relationship, which is really lovely to see, repair their relationship because they weren’t able to co-parent together. They were talking about divorce, but the relationship repaired, the young person was doing really well. So it’s just amazing to see. I always feel so privileged to be able to support family. And the family say, Thank you for saving my families. I don’t know where my families would be without you. And these always make me want to cry, seriously. Right now, I still want to cry because when I think about this family, I think about their journey because I’m there with them in and out. But it’s really an amazing journey.
Caroline: It’s so rewarding. And it’s making me wonder if anyone’s listening and thinking about this as a career choice, then maybe they’d also want to get in touch with you and find out more about how you got into this field and some of the studying that you’ve been doing. I know you recently passed your dissertation for your qualification. So, yeah, it does sound super rewarding.
Pei-I: It really is. And it touches people’s lives, but at the same time it also touches mine. So it’s a mutual process. At one point, I want to teach people how to do my methods. So then they can go out and touch more family’s life without spending years and years and years.
Caroline: Yeah, that would be wonderful, wouldn’t it? Especially with your depth of experience and knowledge. Yeah, that would be amazing. Yes. You’re very entrepreneurial as well. And I wonder, maybe we should share how we met originally because I think that’s a good story, too. So back in the depths of lockdown, I am stuck at home, trying to run my business, feeling like I wasn’t getting enough exercise. And then I came across this amazing organisation called Club Synergy, where you could do networking online combined with exercise, basically. So it’s like a Monday session. You would join online, you get paired up with someone, and you would go for a walk and a talk, like virtually over the phone. And so that’s how we met was through Club Synergy. And it’s just so wonderful to be able to, I guess, combine all those things. And some of the conversations we’ve had in the past, it’s not just about work. We talk about our lives, about our aspirations. When things are going well, we celebrate. When things are tough, then we can support everyone in that community. I guess that entrepreneurial side and learning or building upon each other’s experiences, I think is well. When you’re away doing things like your TV stuff, which I was wanting to talk about as well. It’s so… it’s such a wonderful way to have those shared experiences and yeah find out how you might stretch yourself in your business because I’m not sure I could do what you did. So you were on GB News not long ago as their parenting expert, and they were grilling you, weren’t they? It was quite an intense interview, but you handled it so well. Maybe you could tell people a bit more about that story, too.
Pei-I: Yeah. Actually, you know what? It was really interesting because then, I don’t know, I think I suppose I’m really blessed to have the opportunity to come up so fast, even into my entrepreneurial world, because my mission is about helping people. I’m not a businesswoman. I’m not a businessperson. But then because you’re running your own practice, so you do need to learn. You do not need to promote your PR. Then my PR person, Amy, is wonderful. This opportunity come about. She said, Oh, there’s this report about teenagers being out of control. They’ve been stabbing people and using their… out of control. I said, No, absolutely not. Then that’s how the story come about. It’s like, I have a different view. I don’t know. I didn’t get a lot of a brief. I just get a call the day before I was going down to London. I was like, Is this the chat? Is there a certain question you’re going to ask me? I can prepare for it. There’s a, No, just go on the show. It’s just a chat. I’m like, Okay, I can do that.
Caroline: Wow.
Pei-I: Yeah, there’s nothing at all. I was like, Okay, that’s all right then. It’s so funny. The story down to London is amazing. I really had a really good time. I used to stay in London for a year and a half. I hated it, but this time I absolutely love it. Then actually on the way to the Paddington Studio on the day of recording, I made two acquaintances who actually has some connection with Taiwan. I thought, Oh, my God, the universe is sending me a message.
Caroline: it’s a sign.
Pei-I: Because while I’ve been training so many professionals or been on so many, speaking to a chief executive in different departments and all these things, I got a little bit nervous thinking, Oh, my God, I’m going to live on UKGB News. It’s quite rightly so to be nervous. So that was like, Oh, universe is sending me a message. I can just go on the show. Then become about all my family, my friends were supporting me, and then everybody was waiting to watch the live show. I just sat there thinking, looking around, taking photos and everything. I really didn’t know. I had no idea what they’re going to ask me whatsoever. Really, zero. But before I went in, I told myself, no matter what they say to me, I will still know more than they do, and I will go about as to… I will have spoken… Like I will have I’ve spoken to any professional and any families and just speak my truth and my message. And that’s all I did. On reflection, I feel like the, what do you call them, the interviewer, the presenters, they do have a… they did have a job to do because they are saying teens are out of control. Of course, they have to come back with some difficult questions and to just make it more interesting. Do you know what I’m saying?
Caroline: Yeah, you always get that controversial angle or yeah.
Pei-I: Yeah, but then all I see…
Caroline: Stir up some debate.
Caroline: Yeah, but then all I see is it just makes me shine even more because like you say, I was able to communicate my views and points really collectively, really nicely. And, Caroline, I never, ever went back to see any of my videos or audios. Once I recorded, done it, done. I send it to families, whatever, been posted online. But this is the only recording I actually went back to watch as soon as it came live. It’s like two minutes where I were recording, it went on live straight away. Then this is the first time I actually went back to watch my news, my interview, and I actually was really proud of myself. I was like, I have done something. I mean, all the things I’ve done in the past have really It really brought me great joy. But this is a big thing, being able to be on UKGB news and then still have your thing on the YouTube, be talked about, be shared about. That is a really big milestone for me as a practitioner because my passion is always about I need to get my messages out there to the parents, to the families. If I can influence, help one family at the time, I will do that every day till the day I die. You know that was, that was a really amazing.
Caroline: Sharing that message and giving people hope as well. I think that’s a big thing, when I see your posts online and the things that you talk about, it makes me feel like there’s hope for families and that their children aren’t broken. There’s not anything wrong with them. They just need some support and the right resources. Yeah, you give people hope. Yeah.
Pei-I: I know. Absolutely. The one thing I always want the parents to remember, even when you are feeling hopeless, don’t forget you are still doing hope every day cause you haven’t given up. You’re still trying to find the solution. You’re still looking after your children. You’re still running around, making their lunch, wanting your teenager to be safe and all this. While you’re feeling this, you do need to approach yourself. You’re still doing hope every single day, and you just need to find the right person with the right method, with the right tool to be able to help you.
Caroline: Yeah. Oh, that’s so good. I’m glad that you were able to share that story because that hopefully will inspire others to… If they get that call and that opportunity not to shy away from it because it can be really transformational and really help to amplify the work that you do as well. So, yeah, that’s so awesome. The other that we have in common is obviously podcasting. So I think it would be really great actually to signpost people to the work that you do on your podcast because it is such a brilliant concept. So it’s called Teen Talk. You have the most amazing co-host, so you and Belle. Is it every two weeks that you try and…?
Pei-I: Yeah, I’m releasing it every two weeks just now. It used to be one every week, and I think it’s a bit too much for the parents to just digest. So now I’m just thinking every two weeks.
Caroline: Yeah. Could you tell us a bit more about the format? Because it’s a little bit different and I actually really love how… Well, I feel like it’s us listening in on you and Belle having a chat. Tell us a bit more about the format and how did you come up with that as an idea of how you would run the show?
Pei-I: So do you know what? I actually spent a lot of money asking somebody to help me with my podcast. And then once I’m releasing my podcast, I feel like I shouldn’t have spent lots of money. I could just do it myself. Seriously, but it’s really interesting because I’ve always known I want to have a podcast to get the message out there. Then… the podcast is called Teen Talk and Growing Together Family Edition. Basically, it’s about growing with your teenager and your teenager growing with your family, growing with your parents together as a family. When we were thinking, when the person was coaching about me the format, and actually initially it’s about me talking, just about sharing my idea, my knowledge, my skillset, and everything. And I started to go and listen to some of the podcast in the similar fields. And you know what? And no offence to those people. They did wonderful work, and it’s just me. I got really bored. I was just like, I’m so bored listening to this. And I was like, If I cannot listen to this… I wanted an episode that myself can listen to. I also created this episode for me is when I go back to listen to, I will have a lot of things come out of that. I can feel the energy. I can feel so excited about it. I changed the format straight away. It’s like, I want to have a teenage co-host with me cause I think often we forget about, it’s not just the parents’ perspective we need to think about, we also need to think about the teenager’s perspective and their lived experience or their living experience as a teenager. I sometimes… often forgotten. Like you said earlier, we’re parents, but then we want them to be responsible, but we also forget they’re children, too. It’s really important to have that perspective in mind. The one thing I’m always very adamant and advocate for is I will never edit my video or script anything we will say because then it just becomes unauthentic. I’m not saying other people’s way is unauthentic. It’s just me personally, professionally, I like to do it this way. So me and Belle never script anything. And if you go back to listen to our intro, our intro every single time is different because we’re learning the way we go and just like, Oh, this should be this time or that should be this time.
So it’s very different. But Belle is an amazing teenage co-host. She is truly amazing. She really brightens up the show so much and bringing her perspective in terms of the discussion we have. And it’s everything related to teenage life, their mental health, their school, their relationship, sex education, everything, drug, whatever you can think of. We’re also thinking about the families. Every episode, what we are trying to explore, is to look at the topic through different lens, or through different people’s perspective. I don’t know if you have heard the episode, but we’re thinking about the culture, the gender, the geographical side of things. It’s quite enriching in many different ways. One thing I’m also very adamant, which I’m telling people about is your solutions are not about parenting strategies. So in my show, I carry always the same principle is we will not give any strategies to any families, any parents or any teenagers. But what we have is encourage curiosity. It’s how can you be more curious about your parents’ intention? How can you be more curious about what has not been said by your teenager? Or if your teenager were crying, how can you be more curious about their tears, what are they trying to tell you? So these are the things we’re trying to encourage parents to think about a little bit more. So that is essentially the format. I love it.
Caroline: Seeing things from a different perspective, and I love that word curiosity. I think in our relationships, they can be so complex, and sometimes it’s the things that we don’t say and we feel like we can’t say, or there’s things from our past, that trigger us or make us behave in a certain way. And not all those things are immediately explainable or understandable. But if we could be curious about it and have some empathy and openness to be like, okay, let’s listen and explore what’s happening, then you can actually move into a better place, can’t you? So I encourage people, definitely check out the show. I’ll put a link to it in show notes. Belle, honestly, is just so wonderful. I think…
Pei-I: She stole my show.
Caroline: For a teenager, I have a teenager of my own, and he’s quite mature and I can have quite mature conversations with him. I think Belle, she just has such a good way of describing her experiences and giving that perspective. None of your conversations are like… they’re not, I’m trying to think what the word is. They’re not there to challenge or share extreme views. It is literally like a conversation where you talk about how different things impact teenagers. And it is just a really lovely open conversation. And yes, congratulations on creating such a beautiful show. I love what you shared at the beginning there as well about how when you went on this journey, you got some advice about how to approach creating something like this. And then your instincts were telling you, that’s not going to work, and that’s not something that’s going to help my community. So yeah, good for you for yeah…
Pei-I: Absolutely. It’s all about staying true, isn’t it, to yourself and what you believe in, even when the whole world or the professional expert is telling you, don’t do it this way. I do believe the show will be a huge hit one for one day, it’s growing. It’s growing. I do hope the family… Actually, I got a really nice message the other day on Facebook. Saying, this parent go and listen to the show, and she was like, Oh, my God, this show is so good. I was like, Oh, And then she actually invited me to go to her podcast. I said, That’s lovely. It’s really encouraging to hear.
Caroline: Yeah, no, it’s fantastic. And I really hope that it grows and it helps people in the way that you hope it can help people. Oh, this is so nice. It’s always such a pleasure catching up with you. And I’m just so grateful that you agreed to come on the show so that I could introduce to my community because I know that they are going to love having or knowing that there’s people out there like you that can support them through their family adventures. And yeah, it’s just great. Thank you. Usually at this point in the show, I have one set question that I ask all of my guests, where we move into talking more about more behind the scenes and how you ensure that you’ve got balance in your life. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or maybe your physical or mental health is a little bit out of balance, how do you create your kind space? And how do you kind of, yeah what’s your go-to thing when you’re feeling like you’re not quite yourself?
Pei-I: I think my go-to thing is always going to my husband. He’s such a calming person. Instantly texting him, speaking about my challenges, or I’m not feeling myself today because I miss my parents or whatever, he usually just calms me down straight away. However, he’s not my only coping strategy I think over the years, I’ve learned. You put a lot of expectation on yourself. You should. Because I work for myself, I should work on my business now so I can reach more families. I can do, I need to do X, Y, Z. Those expectations can really create a lot of conflictual feelings inside for anybody because you feel like, I need to do this in order to be able to do that. I can’t rest, otherwise I’m lazy or I have a million things to do. But over the years, I have learned to really listen to myself and listen to my body, my mind, my soul is telling me, it’s too much now. Go and play tennis. It’s too much now. Go and spend time with your pet, go for a walk, go listen to music. Go pray. Go listening to hymns and go play the piano. So there are many things I use to create that space for myself.
But it’s not just the… I think it’s more than about self-care for me, Caroline. I know people talk a lot about self-care, you need to learn to self-care yourself. And for me, self-care extending to care for your soul, your mind and your body, your emotions, your relationship, because this is how you strengthen yourself and how you get picked up if you’re unable to. Because I could be in a really crushing space and then I go to a holiday for three weeks. I could still feel very crushed coming back because even the people around me are not my kind space. So I think there’s a lot of things to think about.
Caroline: And being really in tune with that. Yeah, being really in tune with what you need and how to create the right environment for that. Yes, that is… I love that you mentioned your husband. I have to agree with that. My husband, absolutely, is a huge support for me. And yeah, I’m not sure I could go on this entrepreneurial journey and do all these things without knowing that he’s there to support me. So that is so beautiful as well. Yeah. Thank you so much.
Pei-I: I feel like I have so much to say, Caroline. Even on self-care thing, I could talk about for another 50 minutes. It’s terrible.
Caroline: I know, I know.
Pei-I: But thank you for having me on the show. I love talking about these things. It’s amazing.
Caroline: Yeah, we’ve shared so much advice. So the last thing I need to make sure that we don’t forget is to give people some signposting as to how to get in touch with you. So… website, LinkedIn, where’s the best place to get you?
Pei-I: I think my website is always the best go-to place because it has everything. It has my information, the contact details, my social media link, all these things. And it’s got blogs you can read, so definitely.
Caroline: Yeah, and I think there’s some videos on there as well, isn’t there?
Pei-I: Yeah, there’s a lot of videos. And also YouTube, I do produce quite a lot of YouTube videos as well. You can have a watch and stuff. But basically, everything you go to my website, it takes you to all the places you can find me.
Caroline: And it’s Rainbow Parenting.
Pei-I: Parenting Practice.
Caroline: Rainbow Parenting Practice.
Pei-I: It’s Rainbow Parenting Practise. People actually ask me, is it for LGBQT? Because of the rainbow side of things. I say it’s for everybody. But the reason is It’s called rainbow is because it’s my faith. Rainbow signifies something… God’s promise, but at the same time, it also signifies hope. And if you go to my website, you’ll see all the colourful picture, it’s…
Caroline: Yeah, your photos are beautiful.
Pei-I: To convey hope.
Caroline: Yeah, definitely, because we’ve used that hope word when we were chatting, haven’t we? So, yeah, thank you so much. We will pop…
Pei-I: Thank you for having me, Caroline.
Caroline: We’ll pop all the links at the bottom as well. And yeah, hopefully we’ll get to catch up again soon. Maybe go for a walk and a talk again.
Pei-I: I’m sure we will. But do have to walk though?
Caroline: We didn’t quite manage that last time did we?
Pei-I: It was too stormy.
Caroline: It was blowing a gale, so it was.
Pei-I: It was. I play so much tennis these days. I’m like, walking is a drag for me. It’s like, Oh, I have to walk my dogs. But that’s not true. I really enjoy walking my dogs.
Caroline: Yeah. Oh, thank you so much and we will catch up soon.
Pei-I: Thank you for having me.
There is not a day goes by that I don’t feel grateful for my family and my kids. There is nothing that I wanted more growing up than to have a stable normal life. So it’s very comforting to know that there are people like Pei-I out there dedicating themselves to helping families through difficult times and allowing them to repair and rebuild those fragile relationships. If you are listening to this and you’re in need of support, I know Pei-I would be delighted to hear from you.
Before you go, I have a little favour to ask, so if you’ve liked this episode, screenshot it, tag us on social media @createyourkindspace and maybe share what your key takeaway was from the episode. It would so wonderful as well if you could rate and review the podcast as this helps other people to find it. Thank you so much.
Disclaimer:
The information on this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. You should seek the advice of an appropriately qualified healthcare professional before making decisions about your own circumstances. You should not disregard, or delay seeking professional medical advice because of any information contained on this podcast.
Unless specifically mentioned on the podcast, Create Your Kindspace and Caroline Laurenson do not formally endorse or have any affiliation with any product or service mentioned in the podcast. The opinions and content provided and/or shared by any third-party guests, any third-party material or third-party website referenced in this podcast does not necessarily reflect the opinions or policies of Create Your Kindspace and Caroline Laurenson.
