In the latest episode of the “Create Your Kindspace” podcast, host Caroline Laurenson speaks with Pei-I Yang, a parenting and teen behaviour specialist, and a qualified Systemic and Family Psychotherapist. Pei-I is dedicated to supporting families, particularly those with teenagers. Drawing from her own teenage struggles, Pei-I understands the extra challenges today’s teenagers face due to shifts in society and culture. Motivated by a lack of adequate resources, Pei-I is passionate about helping parents navigate the teenage years with empathy and understanding, turning what can often be a difficult period into an opportunity for growth, connection, and even enjoyment.
Understanding Your Parenting Script: The Influence of Your Own Upbringing
Pei-I explores how our own experiences of being parented shape our parenting styles. The values and beliefs instilled by our parents often become our own, sometimes unconsciously. This can include expectations like high achievement or pursuing specific careers, rooted in family values and cultural influences.
“You learn how to parent through your own experiences of being parented. So the values your parents instill in you become your own values.”
These inherited values can drive parenting decisions, sometimes without us realising it. Pei-I acknowledges that while some parents are aware of their influences, others might unconsciously replicate patterns from their upbringing.
“One thing I think would be really helpful… is you need to think about what is influencing your parenting practice or your parenting decision.”
By examining the beliefs and values shaping your parenting, you can consciously change patterns and provide a stable, supportive environment for your children.
Breaking Down Barriers: The Stigma of Asking for Help
Pei-I wants to break down the stigma surrounding the need for parenting support. While parents often seek medical or educational help for their children, they frequently overlook the need for professional assistance for parenting support.
“When you’re struggling with parenting, go ask for help”
She encourages parents to see seeking help as a sign of strength rather than weakness, as many parents feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit they’re struggling.
“The stigma, the embarrassment there, and then the other bit is like ‘Am I allowed to ask for help? Is this the right time to ask for help? And is there help out there?’”
These concerns can create significant barriers for parents trying to get the support they need. Understanding these barriers is the first step to overcoming them. Once parents recognise that seeking help is not a sign of failure, they can begin to think more openly about where to turn for support.
“Nobody teaches you how to be a parent. And this is something not spoken about enough”
Seeking Support: The Role of Friends and Family
Pei-I cautions that while turning to friends and family for advice is natural, it’s important to consider the type of help you’re seeking and whether they have the necessary expertise.
“What help are you actually looking for from your family or friends? Because in the end of the day, they’re not independent and they probably don’t have the credentials to be able to give you the professional guidance.”
Relying on loved ones for advice can sometimes complicate matters further. Well-intentioned suggestions, like grounding a teenager or setting strict boundaries, may not suit every family’s unique situation and “Sometimes it can make things really worse for the parents,” leading to frustration and strained relationships.
“I see so many families actually have a breakdown, relationship breakdown with their extended families for that very reason as to the judgement, the wrong advice, or you haven’t done enough or you should have done this.”
To make family and friends’ support more effective, Pei-I advises being specific about your needs.
“When you want us to help, be specific with your friends and family… today, I just want you to listen. Don’t give me any advice. Or, practical help, like help me to look after my two children today while I go out to spend some time with my husband.”
Being clear about what you need can help avoid misunderstandings and ensure that the support you receive is both practical and beneficial. In some cases, the complexity of a situation requires more specialised support than friends or family can provide.
Navigating Support for Neurodivergence: Finding the Right Help
Pei-I addresses a critical issue for many parents: accessing appropriate support for children with neurodivergence, such as ADHD or autism. She acknowledges that, even when the diagnosis comes much later, many parents have long suspected something was different about their child from a young age.
“A lot of parents come to me and say, ‘Since my boy or since my girl was two years old, three years old, I knew there’s something is different.’”
Despite their early concerns, parents often face significant challenges when seeking help, even from professionals, leaving parents frustrated when their struggles seem dismissed.
“A lot of parents experience is, they just told me that it’s okay, it’s a phase, and you just need to ride this one out.”
Pei-I highlights that there are often not enough resources available, and finding the right support that fits the family’s specific needs is essential.
“Not all resources fit every family’s needs because every family’s circumstances and their unique blueprint is very different.”
Finding the right person is important as some professionals connect better and provide the care that fits best.
“When parents are asking for help, you need to ask for the right help.”
Finding Hope and Solutions: Pei-I’s Commitment to Family Transformation
Pei-I is dedicated to helping families through even the most challenging situations, maintaining a belief that no family is beyond hope. She works closely with families, offering practical, hands-on guidance and ongoing support to help them implement new strategies and address immediate challenges.
“I offer the family WhatsApp support, which not all the parenting consultants or coaches will do. You want somebody to be there for you to help you.”
A significant part of her approach is empowering families with the knowledge they need to continue making progress independently.
“One thing I’m very adamant about is all my parents need to know why we’re doing what we’re doing. So then going forward, when they don’t need me anymore… I want them to know the principles and feel confident.”
Her journey is as rewarding for her as it is for the families she supports. Pei-I envisions teaching her methods to extend her impact even further.
“It touches people’s lives, but at the same time, it also touches mine. So it’s a mutual process. At one point, I want to teach people how to do my methods. So then they can go out and touch more families’ lives without spending years and years and years.”
Creating a Safe Space for Dialogue: Teen Talk and Growing Together Family Edition Podcast
Pei-I is passionate about fostering genuine, open conversations through her podcast, “Teen Talk and Growing Together Family Edition.” The podcast’s unscripted format allows for honest and spontaneous discussions. By including a teenage co-host, Pei-I ensures that the teenage perspective is genuinely represented. This approach provides valuable insights from both adult and teenage viewpoints, helping families navigate issues from multiple angles and fostering a more understanding dialogue between parents and teenagers.
“It’s not just the parents’ perspective we need to think about, we also need to think about the teenager’s perspective and their lived experience or their living experience as a teenager.”
The podcast has become a valuable resource for families trying to navigate the ups and downs of teenage years. It tackles real issues teens face today—mental health, social media pressures, and more—helping bridge the gap between parents and their children. By creating such a platform, Pei-I reinforces her broader mission of providing accessible resources and support to all families.
Final Thoughts and Resources
Pei-I Yang helps parents navigate the challenges of raising teenagers with empathy, patience, and a belief in the possibility of positive change. Her story is not just about professional success; it’s also about personal resilience and a strong commitment to supporting others in difficult situations. Through her work with the Rainbow Parenting Practice and her podcast, she has created a supportive space where families can find hope, share experiences, and grow together.
“The one thing I always want the parents to remember, even when you are feeling hopeless, don’t forget you are still doing hope every day because you haven’t given up.”
Pei-I reminds us that parenting is a journey with many ups and downs, filled with opportunities to connect, learn, and find hope. Her work shows the importance of persistence and understanding in building strong family relationships, even in the face of challenges.
- Visit Rainbow Parenting Practice: https://www.rainbowparentingpractice.com/
- Connect with Pei-I on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pei-i-yang/
- Listen to Pei-I’s Podcast: Teen Talk and Growing Together Family Edition
- Listen to the Full Episode: Catch Pei-l’s full interview on the Create Your Kindspace podcast.